Tonight is a tough night. I attempted to go to bed, but had to get back up. I was overcome with sadness. Nothing bad had happened, quite the opposite.
I got back home tonight after spending the last couple of nights alone with my daughter on a mini getaway. Most people are probably wondering why is that such a big deal. Well, when you are a divorced Dad, many things stand in the way of you being able to spend time with your child, the latest of which is just her growing up.
No Longer Baby Steps
Well, that growing up will be taking on a whole new meaning when she heads off to college very soon. The last few days were the last time I would get to spend with her still as a “child.” Technically, she is not a child any longer, but she will always be my little girl. Later this month, she takes a huge step into adulthood when she sets foot into a college classroom.
I know she will do well. She has always done well in anything she has put her mind to. As you’ve read in my blogs before, you know how proud of her I am. She has been through things with the divorce of her Mother and I that I never went through as a kid. I know that I would not have handled it nearly as well as she has.
As this new chapter in her life gets set to begin, it makes me think back to all the good times we have had and wonder where has the time gone. Seems like just yesterday I would hold a toy-like piano and she would bang on it with her feet, taking joy in the “music” she was creating.
Or maybe a trip to Disney World a while back, watching her face light up when she got to meet the Princesses at a special dinner. Or that time we went to see a Disney-created band at the local children’s museum, only to see me leave the venue with my stomach autographed by the group, all in good fun to make my daughter smile.
I know her life has not been easy. Like any teenager, she has had her ups and downs. It has been hard for me not to be able to be there on a daily basis for those ups and downs. How many hugs I wasn’t able to give. How many math problems I wasn’t able to help with. Just normal Dad stuff.
Marching Toward Adulthood
It’s always been hard for me after the time spent with my daughter. If she were down for the weekend, that Monday heading back to work was always just a little more difficult because I had, even for a brief period, gotten used to having my daughter around like she should be. When she is gone, I miss her. Well, today is a little different than normal. That feeling is a bit stronger than normal. I know the days like the past few are now becoming more and more limited.
I know I’m not getting any younger. And, she’s seems to be growing like a weed. Unfortunately, my thoughts turn to thinking of the time when I won’t be here any longer for her. It tears me up inside thinking about it. It’s actually what got me back out of bed. My nose was plugged up from the tears. Who will be here to watch out for my little girl?
I know I am not alone in this feeling. All parents, I’m sure, feel the same way. I guess I have to take solice in the fact that she’s so smart and will do great things with her life. I guess I am just a bit selfish as well. I want to see all that she accomplishes! I don’t want to miss a thing!