Gut Punch

As my wife can attest, I am very good at starting something and then not finishing it. I do go into things with the intent to finish what I started, but my mind tends to wander more often than not, so before I can finish something, the old brain has already moved on to something else. Not sure, exactly, why that is. I get bored easily, I guess. I tend to over think things sometimes. I suffer from analysis paralysis so to speak. I DID just recently finish my degree after 20 years in the process, so I am feeling ready to finish something else. Something big.

I have left many things in my life unfinished, but the one thing that I have started over and over again and continues to frustrate the hell out of me more than anything else … weight loss.

I currently weigh 266 pounds, which would be fine if I were 6-10, but I am about 5-9.  I recently turned 50 and my thoughts have turned to retirement. Unfortunately, I feel if I don’t get my weight under control, I may not make it to retirement. What a kick in the ass that would be.

I have tried so many diets. Some have worked and some haven’t. Unfortunately, none of them have worked long term. I have tried Weight Watchers many times, which works for me until I get tired of counting points, which then leads to me falling off the wagon.

For me, this time, I don’t want to count calories. I want to make a change that will just be a lifestyle change. I want to just be able to know and feel that I am eating right. I don’t want to calculate every little thing I put into my mouth. I know this journey will have to include a little bit of exercise and weight training. I currently live a very sedentary lifestyle, which I know has to change.

I have very little will power. If it is in the house, it will likely get consumed. I almost have to have my kitchen stocked with only healthy choices. If there is a chip in the house, I will find it and consume it.

Another issue I have is that I eat when mad. When sad. When nervous. When scared. Unfortunately, these emotions have become more prevalent lately as it seems like the world becomes a worse place day by day. It is time for me to turn off the news, limit my time on social media, and, I guess, just stick my head in the sand for a while. I need a clear head to tackle this weight loss issue.

One of my most recent college professors told me that my goal to get down to 169 pounds was not realistic at my age, so, my current goal is to lose 75 pounds. That weight gets me well under 200 pounds, which I think would be great. I would hope at that weight, I could stop taking my high blood pressure medicine and, hopefully, ditch the annoying CPAP machine. Oh, how I miss sleeping like most people with that elephant trunk.

Oh, well, I would like to write more, but I have another thing I should be doing. I need to start planning my menu for the week. I will come back to this later.

Oh, damn it. There I go again.


No Easy Way Out of Being Overweight

A few months ago, I started a program that I referred to as 90 by 50, meaning I wanted to lose 90 pounds by the time I turned 50. Well, that program is stuck in neutral. I have lost zero pounds and my 50th is in about six months. Still doable, but at this point, probably not even healthy to lose that much weight in that short of a time period.

Now, with the holidays fast approaching, the world going to hell, and schoolwork, it’s even harder not to reach for that nearest batch of comfort food or sweet holiday treats. I ask myself over and over … what the hell am I going to do and how am I going to shed this weight?

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Goodbye Old Friends

As I approach my 50th year on this planet, I have taken inventory of my life and my well-being. It has always been hard for me to not worry about things I cannot control. I worry about everything. Things I can and cannot control. I battle depression and the everyday rigors of life. I have also battled weight issues my whole life.

As a kid, my Mom used to take me shopping for school clothes and, inevitably, we would end up in the Husky (nice way of saying fat) section at the local department store. Luckily, in high school, I played football, thus I had a few months of forced exercise and activity. I remember being around 170 pounds back then, which is a weight I would love to revisit. Unfortunately, at 49, high school football is not an option.

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