Longing for Lasts

Hello, everyone. It’s been a while since my last blog post. Since I last posted, I have turned 50, which is good, I guess. Not sure many people are happy about turning fifty except those that never had that chance. For that reason, I am happy to have reached the 50 mark.

I have five classes left to finish off before I can finish my college degree that I started almost 30 years ago. These last five will not be easy. Being impatient like I am, I chose to cram those last five classes into two summer sessions that will conclude in August. I keep my fingers crossed for continued scholastic success.

As I have gotten older, I still strive for first, but really, really long for lasts. I have reminisced about old times more and more. I often have told my wife how nice it would be if you knew at the time that you would be doing something for the last time.  When I think of those types of things, my mind wanders.

Here are just some of the lasts I miss:

  • The last time I went fishing with my grandpa, who has been gone 18 years already
  • The last time I went fishing with my Dad, who now lives far away
  • The last time I weighed under 200 pounds
  • The last time to hear any new music from Michael Jackson, Queen, Nirvana, the Beatles, or Prince
  • The last time I strapped on a football helmet
  • The last time I rode a school bus to school
  • The last time I had hair to feather
  • The last time riding home in a victorious team bus from an away football game
  • The last time my Mom took me to the orthodontist, accompanied by lunch soon afterward
  • The last time I read my daughter a bedtime story
  • The last time I petted any of the numerous dogs in my life
  • The last day of being a teenager
  • The last day before becoming an adult
  • The last time sitting around a dinner table with my Mom, Dad, and siblings

This list could go on and on. Funny. The other day, I stumbled upon a song by Brad Paisley entitled, “Last Time for Everything”. I must say I am not a huge fan of the video, but love the song. Take a listen and let me know what you think.

Goodbye Old Friends

As I approach my 50th year on this planet, I have taken inventory of my life and my well-being. It has always been hard for me to not worry about things I cannot control. I worry about everything. Things I can and cannot control. I battle depression and the everyday rigors of life. I have also battled weight issues my whole life.

As a kid, my Mom used to take me shopping for school clothes and, inevitably, we would end up in the Husky (nice way of saying fat) section at the local department store. Luckily, in high school, I played football, thus I had a few months of forced exercise and activity. I remember being around 170 pounds back then, which is a weight I would love to revisit. Unfortunately, at 49, high school football is not an option.

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In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Regrets, I’ve Had a Few.”

Anyone that has read my blog in the past, knows I have many regrets in my life. So many that most would think I would have a hard time picking what my biggest regret might be.

Not the case. Easily, my biggest regret in life is not going to college right after high school.

Know it All

Sometimes, it’s hard to think logically when you are that age and you have a girlfriend. You know, you think she’s the one and you would do anything for her, of course. Yes, at the time I was dating, uh, what’s her name? I forget. Nonetheless, I had the perfect setup. My parents would have paid for me to go to college, but, no, I was “in love” or so I thought.

I thought I would sit out a year and then go to college. I started working a good paying job with my Dad as a union construction laborer. The money was good, but I hated the job. I was smarter than that. I didn’t belong in a steel mill at the dumb end of a shovel. Well, that went on for more than the planned year. I broke it off with that particular girlfriend before meeting my ex-wife.

On Hold

Needless to say, my college career was put on hold. I did eventually make it to college, while I was working in the newspaper business. I made it through about my junior year before my daughter was born, which, once again, put my college career on hold.

I often think how my life could have been different if I had gone to college when I should have. I always envision having fun in college with plenty of friends and memories to last a lifetime. Also, a college degree that I could have been utilized from day one in my work career. I hear statistics about how college graduates make so much more over a career than those without degrees. It would have been nice to have had that extra money over the early years in my career.

I have kicked around the idea of going back to college, even enrolling a couple of times. I tried a couple of classes this summer to no avail. It wasn’t because I couldn’t handle them, but because I lacked the desire to take them. At this point in my life, my thoughts are turning toward retirement, not going back to school.

Still on Hold

Yes, the decision not to go to college right out of high school IS my biggest regret, but not a regret I feel I am ready to rectify at this point in my life.

I have been fairly successful over my life. Maybe not so much monetarily, but I have a great wife, great daughter, and family and friends that love me. As I always say … money’s not everything.