Longing for Lasts


Hello, everyone. It’s been a while since my last blog post. Since I last posted, I have turned 50, which is good, I guess. Not sure many people are happy about turning fifty except those that never had that chance. For that reason, I am happy to have reached the 50 mark.

I have five classes left to finish off before I can finish my college degree that I started almost 30 years ago. These last five will not be easy. Being impatient like I am, I chose to cram those last five classes into two summer sessions that will conclude in August. I keep my fingers crossed for continued scholastic success.

As I have gotten older, I still strive for first, but really, really long for lasts. I have reminisced about old times more and more. I often have told my wife how nice it would be if you knew at the time that you would be doing something for the last time.  When I think of those types of things, my mind wanders.

Here are just some of the lasts I miss:

  • The last time I went fishing with my grandpa, who has been gone 18 years already
  • The last time I went fishing with my Dad, who now lives far away
  • The last time I weighed under 200 pounds
  • The last time to hear any new music from Michael Jackson, Queen, Nirvana, the Beatles, or Prince
  • The last time I strapped on a football helmet
  • The last time I rode a school bus to school
  • The last time I had hair to feather
  • The last time riding home in a victorious team bus from an away football game
  • The last time my Mom took me to the orthodontist, accompanied by lunch soon afterward
  • The last time I read my daughter a bedtime story
  • The last time I petted any of the numerous dogs in my life
  • The last day of being a teenager
  • The last day before becoming an adult
  • The last time sitting around a dinner table with my Mom, Dad, and siblings

This list could go on and on. Funny. The other day, I stumbled upon a song by Brad Paisley entitled, “Last Time for Everything”. I must say I am not a huge fan of the video, but love the song. Take a listen and let me know what you think.

Unexpected Contentment


Anyone that knows me knows I like to bitch and complain. I’m not going to lie, that is true. Battling depression, you have your good days and your bad days. It’s very easy to see the glass as half empty instead of half full.

Well, tonight, anyway, I got a glimpse of the half-full glass.

I’m not sure where this vision came from. With the country going to hell in a hurry, I know my mind hasn’t been happy lately, but, tonight, anyway, I had a wave of contentment wash over me. Continue reading

Which Way Out?


I feel guilty sometimes. I have a good life, but I never seem to be quite happy. I am always wanting something new, constantly searching for that thing that is ultimately going to make me happy. Does it exist? I’m not sure.

I think I know, but I’m not quite sure. I think a change of scenery, like a move out of state. Maybe a new business venture. Something to spark some creativity and adventure. The problem with both of these is that I have no idea where to start to make them become a reality. When I think of them, I get excited, but it makes me feel a bit helpless, like a boat going in circles.

I’m just not sure the next steps to take, which then makes me feel stressed and depressed, which I don’t need. Hoping one of these days to find what I am looking for and find that elusive feeling of overall happiness.