Longing for Lasts

Hello, everyone. It’s been a while since my last blog post. Since I last posted, I have turned 50, which is good, I guess. Not sure many people are happy about turning fifty except those that never had that chance. For that reason, I am happy to have reached the 50 mark.

I have five classes left to finish off before I can finish my college degree that I started almost 30 years ago. These last five will not be easy. Being impatient like I am, I chose to cram those last five classes into two summer sessions that will conclude in August. I keep my fingers crossed for continued scholastic success.

As I have gotten older, I still strive for first, but really, really long for lasts. I have reminisced about old times more and more. I often have told my wife how nice it would be if you knew at the time that you would be doing something for the last time.  When I think of those types of things, my mind wanders.

Here are just some of the lasts I miss:

  • The last time I went fishing with my grandpa, who has been gone 18 years already
  • The last time I went fishing with my Dad, who now lives far away
  • The last time I weighed under 200 pounds
  • The last time to hear any new music from Michael Jackson, Queen, Nirvana, the Beatles, or Prince
  • The last time I strapped on a football helmet
  • The last time I rode a school bus to school
  • The last time I had hair to feather
  • The last time riding home in a victorious team bus from an away football game
  • The last time my Mom took me to the orthodontist, accompanied by lunch soon afterward
  • The last time I read my daughter a bedtime story
  • The last time I petted any of the numerous dogs in my life
  • The last day of being a teenager
  • The last day before becoming an adult
  • The last time sitting around a dinner table with my Mom, Dad, and siblings

This list could go on and on. Funny. The other day, I stumbled upon a song by Brad Paisley entitled, “Last Time for Everything”. I must say I am not a huge fan of the video, but love the song. Take a listen and let me know what you think.

Blue Light Still Special

After enjoying dinner with my wife at a local eatery, we decided to do a little shopping to walk off a few calories. We ended up walking around a few drug stores before ending up at the neighborhood Kmart.

Not sure if those of you not in the United States know of Kmart and its history. According to Wikipedia, until the late 1990’s, Kmart was the second largest retailer in the country behind Sears, that is until Kmart was passed by Wal-Mart.

We walked into Kmart and, as usual, I wandered off from my wife, who had made her way to the pharmacy. I somehow ended up in an aisle featuring Valentine’s Day items, which is normally an uplifting type of vibe, but not on this night. Not for me. Continue reading

I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing

Tonight is a tough night. I attempted to go to bed, but had to get back up. I was overcome with sadness. Nothing bad had happened, quite the opposite.

I got back home tonight after spending the last couple of nights alone with my daughter on a mini getaway. Most people are probably wondering why is that such a big deal. Well, when you are a divorced Dad, many things stand in the way of you being able to spend time with your child, the latest of which is just her growing up.

No Longer Baby Steps

Well, that growing up will be taking on a whole new meaning when she heads off to college very soon. The last few days were the last time I would get to spend with her still as a “child.” Technically, she is not a child any longer, but she will always be my little girl. Later this month, she takes a huge step into adulthood when she sets foot into a college classroom.

I know she will do well. She has always done well in anything she has put her mind to. As you’ve read in my blogs before, you know how proud of her I am. She has been through things with the divorce of her Mother and I that I never went through as a kid. I know that I would not have handled it nearly as well as she has.

Memories, Memories

As this new chapter in her life gets set to begin, it makes me think back to all the good times we have had and wonder where has the time gone. Seems like just yesterday I would hold a toy-like piano and she would bang on it with her feet, taking joy in the “music” she was creating.

Or maybe a trip to Disney World a while back, watching her face light up when she got to meet the Princesses at a special dinner. Or that time we went to see a Disney-created band at the local children’s museum, only to see me leave the venue with my stomach autographed by the group, all in good fun to make my daughter smile.

I know her life has not been easy. Like any teenager, she has had her ups and downs. It has been hard for me not to be able to be there on a daily basis for those ups and downs. How many hugs I wasn’t able to give. How many math problems I wasn’t able to help with. Just normal Dad stuff.

Marching Toward Adulthood

It’s always been hard for me after the time spent with my daughter. If she were down for the weekend, that Monday heading back to work was always just a little more difficult because I had, even for a brief period, gotten used to having my daughter around like she should be. When she is gone, I miss her. Well, today is a little different than normal. That feeling is a bit stronger than normal. I know the days like the past few are now becoming more and more limited.

I know I’m not getting any younger. And, she’s seems to be growing like a weed. Unfortunately, my thoughts turn to thinking of the time when I won’t be here any longer for her. It tears me up inside thinking about it. It’s actually what got me back out of bed. My nose was plugged up from the tears. Who will be here to watch out for my little girl?

I know I am not alone in this feeling. All parents, I’m sure, feel the same way. I guess I have to take solice in the fact that she’s so smart and will do great things with her life. I guess I am just a bit selfish as well. I want to see all that she accomplishes! I don’t want to miss a thing!

Moved to Tears