Gut Punch


As my wife can attest, I am very good at starting something and then not finishing it. I do go into things with the intent to finish what I started, but my mind tends to wander more often than not, so before I can finish something, the old brain has already moved on to something else. Not sure, exactly, why that is. I get bored easily, I guess. I tend to over think things sometimes. I suffer from analysis paralysis so to speak. I DID just recently finish my degree after 20 years in the process, so I am feeling ready to finish something else. Something big.

I have left many things in my life unfinished, but the one thing that I have started over and over again and continues to frustrate the hell out of me more than anything else … weight loss.

I currently weigh 266 pounds, which would be fine if I were 6-10, but I am about 5-9.  I recently turned 50 and my thoughts have turned to retirement. Unfortunately, I feel if I don’t get my weight under control, I may not make it to retirement. What a kick in the ass that would be.

I have tried so many diets. Some have worked and some haven’t. Unfortunately, none of them have worked long term. I have tried Weight Watchers many times, which works for me until I get tired of counting points, which then leads to me falling off the wagon.

For me, this time, I don’t want to count calories. I want to make a change that will just be a lifestyle change. I want to just be able to know and feel that I am eating right. I don’t want to calculate every little thing I put into my mouth. I know this journey will have to include a little bit of exercise and weight training. I currently live a very sedentary lifestyle, which I know has to change.

I have very little will power. If it is in the house, it will likely get consumed. I almost have to have my kitchen stocked with only healthy choices. If there is a chip in the house, I will find it and consume it.

Another issue I have is that I eat when mad. When sad. When nervous. When scared. Unfortunately, these emotions have become more prevalent lately as it seems like the world becomes a worse place day by day. It is time for me to turn off the news, limit my time on social media, and, I guess, just stick my head in the sand for a while. I need a clear head to tackle this weight loss issue.

One of my most recent college professors told me that my goal to get down to 169 pounds was not realistic at my age, so, my current goal is to lose 75 pounds. That weight gets me well under 200 pounds, which I think would be great. I would hope at that weight, I could stop taking my high blood pressure medicine and, hopefully, ditch the annoying CPAP machine. Oh, how I miss sleeping like most people with that elephant trunk.

Oh, well, I would like to write more, but I have another thing I should be doing. I need to start planning my menu for the week. I will come back to this later.

Oh, damn it. There I go again.

 

Love is the Answer


Today adds another day to the well over eighteen thousand days that I have seen come and go. I continue to search for happiness and the reason I am here, all the while trying to make a difference and leave this earth a better place for me having been here.

As I have gotten older, my love for animals has grown ten fold from my younger days. My love for individuals has also grown, while my faith in society has waned. I struggle to love myself as I look in the mirror, disgusted with what my body has become. They say you have to love yourself first, which has been hard for me for so long. I’m not sure why I am so hard on myself. I wish I could find a way to be happy with the way I am and what I have and where I am in my life.

So much talk these days in the United States about race and racial inequality. It is not my place as a white man to tell any minority how to feel. How arrogant would that be of me to tell anyone how to feel and what’s right and what’s wrong in relation to prejudice. As a human being, I believe EVERYONE should be treated equally. I doubt that I will live to see the day that this will happen, but, hopefully, one day, probably generations from now, we can achieve human harmony.

As I’ve gotten older, I would like to think I have gotten wiser. I believe I have matured, at least judging by my gray hair and its scarcity on the back of my head. I try to have empathy for all living things. I think twice these days about killing anything, even bugs. I guess as my number of days on this planet are now more in the rearview than ahead, I have become more sympathetic to the preciousness of every breath. We all must remember that everyone on this planet is going through the same thing. We all have a story to tell. Well all have our own set of problems. We are all searching for the meaning of life.

I am very lucky. Both of my parents are still on this earth. I often shudder to think what it is going to be like when the two people who have shaped me into the man I am today will no longer be there for love and support. As I wipe the tears from my eyes, I know I will be ok due to their lifelong influence and the values they have instilled in me. I also have a daughter and a wife that love me very much, not to mention additional family and friends as well.

I need to get to bed. It is now 2:30 a.m. I love to write and think late at night. I believe God opens my mind and my heart to express emotions freely.

This topic makes me think of a song released back in 1995 by the Blessid Union of Souls called, “I Belive”. Take a listen.

… Love is the Answer.

Living on the Edge


Anyone who has owned a dog knows how attached you get to those little furballs. To us, roo-ballthey are not pets, but part of the family. They bring us so much joy, but, sometimes, they need our help. In the case of one of our Jack Russell terriers, the help she needs is a matter of life and death.

Scout, our now 11-year-old, rough coat Jack Russell terrier, developed diabetes three years ago. With that diagnosis, her life, as well as our lives have changed tremendously.

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