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What Would You Do?


I have a question for you. If you could know how and when you would die, would you take that opportunity to find out, or leave it unknown?

I must say with all the North Korea talk in the news lately, thoughts of death have crossed my mind more than a few times, which got me thinking about the above question. If I had the choice to know how and when I would die, I would take it in a heartbeat (no pun intended.

For me, if I knew, it would free me up to do so many more things. It would allow me not to fear flying or fear heights or any of my many other phobias. It brings Tim McGraw’s “Live Like You Were Dying” video to mind.

As odd as it sounds, I think it would open my life up. If you learned you had a month or a year left, wouldn’t you quit your job and travel or whatever else you wanted to do before your time on Earth were over? I guess if I lived every day as if it were my last, I wouldn’t have these issues, but that’s not realistic, for me anyway. If you don’t know how long you have, you’re not going to quit your job to embark on a once-in-a-lifetime trip.

Knowing your expiration date would also help you in your retirement planning. If you find out you are going to live to be 100, chances are, you better start socking away a few more dollars into that 401K or investments, because you are going to need your retirement nest egg to last. But, on the other hand, if you only had five years left, who needs retirement? Go buy that Corvette or second home. Enjoy your time before it’s gone.

I know, listen to me, I am basically giving myself therapy … enjoy your time before it’s gone. unfortunately, that’s never been easy for me. I have always been a bit pessimistic, or as I like to say, realistic when it comes to life.

For me, death is fascinating and frightening at the same time. To my knowledge, no one has escaped death. It’s something we will all have to face at some point or another. I envy those that do live every day as if it could be their last. I wish I could be one of those people, but it’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks. I often think there is an age or stage in life when people go from fearing death to accepting that their time is growing short, thus they throw caution to the wind. I think I am getting there, just not quite there yet.

Skydiving, bullriding, taking a cruise … who knows? The sands are running through the hour glass without fail. I don’t want to have the most boring stories in Heaven, or Hell for that matter, so I better get busy livin’!

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Olay … Olay, Olay, Olay


olayIt’s not as big of a deal online, but I have warned my friends that if they happen to have someone they don’t recognize come up to them like a long lost friend, it will be me. I’m sure after a month of using Olay’s Regenerist, all of my wrinkles will be gone and my skin will be as smooth as silk! I won’t be the same old, wrinkly guy that I had become.

Now if I can find a couple cans of spray-on hair, I might be able to avoid turning 50 for a couple more years!

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Internal Struggle


I often confuse myself. I battle depression seemingly on an hour to hour basis. Sometimes I’m fine and other times not so much. I have wondered sometimes what is the point of life and living, but on the other hand, I fear death.

In the photo above, I often feel as if I am standing atop the signpost looking one way and then the other, making trips to both places, often many times a day. For anyone that battles depression, I bet you know what I am talking about.

It’s not easy for me and not easy for my wife. Yes, the mood swings are in my head, but she has to put up with them not knowing what’s going on and what causes them. It’s hard for her to know what causes them when I don’t even know myself.

Maybe it’s the fact that I will be 50 in a couple of months. Maybe at this point, I am just a bit bored with life. Maybe I feel like there has to be something else out there. Something better.  I have talked my wife’s ear off about needing a change. I keep telling her that I am ready to move. I think a change of scenery will do me good, but then I fear, what if it doesn’t?

Am I just destined to always be unhappy and unsatisfied? I often think I expect too much out of life. At this point, it’s like, “Is this all there is?” I hope like hell that someday I find what I’m looking for. I only hope I’m not in a bad mood that day, walking with my head down and I walk right past it.